The Cuckhold of Harley Quinn
by JadedNobody
Summary: Many people thing Wisecrack is going to be the Veronica to Harley's Betty. They are wrong.


"So you are cool with this?" Poison Ivy just stared at her longtime semi-friend.

"What do you mean?" Harley drank her tea, she always loved the way Ivy made it. It must come with her super botany powers.

"Well the reason I invited you over truthfully was to learn about how you doing with the new addition," Poison Ivy put as delicately as possible. Part of of sympathy and part not wanting to give Harley a reason to go on a rampage. The last time she insulted Joker to Harley she came away with a black eye.

"Punchline?" Harley titled her heard in bemusement.

"Yeah, what's she like? What is she doing?" How do you ask your homicidal semi-friend about her obsession's new girlfriend?

"Oh well she's a member of the joker gang," Harley said. "A pretty important one too considering she is the boss's girlfriend."

Poison Ivy's cup shattered when it hit the floor. Harley flinched back at the sound. Poison Ivy looked at Harley in frozen fear and shock.

Had she heard that right? There is no way Harley would just accept another woman being the Joker's girlfriend without immediately stabbing her.

"Are you okay?"

Why was Harley asking that question?

"Yes. I am," she struggled for more words.

"How did you not know Punchline was Mr. J's girlfriend? I mean it's all over town."

"I did know. I'm just shocked you seem to be taking it so well."

Oh my god. Had Harley started the first steps in getting over Joker? She was simply viewing him as her boss. That wasn't much better but it was a step in the right direction. A smile of hope for her friend grew.

"Yeah. I realized Mr. J just needed time to date another woman to appreciate me right."

Her face fell.

"What?" She gave her semi-friend a deadpan stare.

"Well Mr. J said to me that he was going to be dating Punchline. He told me we were never dating and if I couldn't accept his relationship I should just leave. I did just that."

It was almost like she was doing the healthy thing.

"On my way out however I realized something."

"That it's possible for women to live as cucks," Poison Ivy said sarcastically.

"That sometimes people need space to do their own thing," Harley proceeded as if Poison hadn't spoke. "I can't be controlling over Mr. J. He needs his space. I love him. In love you got to give a little sometimes." She said that proudly like it was an epiphany.

"Now is the time for me to prove my commitment."

"So what have you been doing since? What's life like in the Joker gang being the bottom bitch?" Poison Ivy decided to promote the whipped bitch to quasi-friend out of pity.

"Well I say it's been pretty great so far. Me and Mr. J are still soul mates. I'm also making things work with Punchline. I'd say she is looking like a real friend." Harley smiled. Poison Ivy really hoped that it was forced.

"Really how have you two bonded?"

"Well, I've gotten to know her tastes. I know her preferred laundry detergent, what music she likes, and her favorite shows."

Poison Ivy blinked.

"Do you do her laundry?"

"Yeah," Harley said as if there was nothing wrong with that.

It was so hard to keep a smirk off her face.

"So how did you come to know her favorite music and shows?" While Harley's answer would be pathetic it would still be funny.

"Oh, Mr.J likes to surprise her with gifts because he thinks she is 'funniest person he ever met'," Harley did air quotes laced with the barest hint of resentment that betrayed her true feelings."So he asked me to keep a finger to her interests and buy gifts for him to give her."

"With your own money?" If the Joker could weaponize this story he would never need to make laughing gas again.

"Yeah," Harley said again as if there was nothing wrong with that.

"What do you get out of this again?"

"A husband who will never leave me," Harley said hopefully. Hopefully.

"Are you currently set to do anything else for her right now?" She was at her limit.

"I promised her I'd pick up Chinese for her on my way back."

"Well," the dams broke. She couldn't take it anymore.

Poison Ivy just collapsed to that ground. She hit the glass shards cutting her skin. She didn't feel, though, too deep in mirth.

"First Catwoman, now you," Harley muttered on her way out.


End file.
